How To Get Over a Breakup: 10 Tips For Gay Men

Jim Wade Author

Gay Couple Breakup

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Gay dating and sex can be difficult and messy for many people. Breakups are tough for everyone, regardless of your sexual orientation. Being gay is no exception, and no matter the circumstances, it’s never easy ending a relationship. Whether the cause is infidelity, relocation, or simply just loss of interest, it all hurts the same. It may be tough to remain optimistic in the midst of a breakup, and it can take all of your willpower not to just curl up in a ball and lie in bed for days on end. Don’t do that. No matter how tough it may seem losing him at the onset, I can promise you it’s not as devastating as it initially may seem.

The most important thing is that you get back out there and start seeing other people. Whether you want a quick rebound, one-night-stand, or long-term partner, it is crucial to start dating again in order to get your mind off the breakup.


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It’s vitally important that you allow yourself ample time to properly mourn the end of your relationship. It’s human nature to want to distract yourself from the pain by throwing yourself into work or overindulging in drugs or alcohol. This only works to prolong the grieving process and will cause you undue stress and possible health issues. Understand the grieving process and give yourself the time necessary to go through its stages. Ignoring the pain will only amplify it in the end.


Reach out to family and friends

It’s never fun to grieve alone. That’s why family members and good friends are essential to help you through this tough period in life. Of course, if you and your partner share the same circle of friends, this can get a bit complicated. However, it’s always important to have at least one person who you can rely on in the tough times. Friends also encourage outside activity and can be helpful in ensuring you don’t shut yourself away from the rest of the world. Even if you only need someone to sit at home with you and watch Netflix with, it’s important not to wallow in solitude.


Be active

It’s no fun sitting in the house all day when you’re grieving. This will only force you to focus on your negative thoughts excessively. This is especially true if you and your partner shared living space. There is a difference between healthy grieving and becoming a recluse. If you have a hobby, spend some time with it. Take a vacation or go on a road trip. This will do wonders to clear your mind and get some perspective on life. It’s also a chance to get out and meet new people.


Get back to dating

I wouldn’t suggest going out and hooking up with the first guy to give you the glance over. However, going out on dates is a good step toward progression and moving forward. It will also help your self-esteem and confidence. A lot of the time, after a breakup, you feel as if you aren’t good enough for anyone and that the breakdown of the relationship was your fault. Getting back into the dating scene will reassure you that you are still desirable despite your current circumstance. Get on Tinder or Grinder and have a little fun. Don’t feel the need to rush back into another relationship. Shop around a bit and enjoy the freedom of the single life.


Purge your house of his presence

It’s likely that you have accumulated many items that have a connection to your ex-lover in your home. Whether it’s photos of the two of you, clothing that he may have left behind, or even leftover food in the fridge that he never ate, you need to get rid of it. It may be hard to do at first, and you don’t need to rush this. However, this is crucial to your progression moving forward. It is extremely hard to move on from someone when their photo is still the first thing you see on your bedside table when you wake in the morning. Likewise, you may want to rid your social media of his presence as well. Having an account that is flooded with photos of a relationship that no longer exists both repels any new future prospects as well as forces you to be reminded of what is no longer.



As stated earlier, it’s not wise to immediately throw yourself into another relationship after a breakup. Instead, take some time for self-reflection and discovery. More likely than not, your actions may have contributed to the breakdown of your relationship. It’s important to analyze any poor choices that may have been made on your part. You’ll want to rectify this before moving on to someone else, or you could risk making the same mistakes. Depending on the nature of the issue, you may even want to speak to a counselor. Don’t worry, it’s 2019 and the stigma of therapy has gone out the window. You need to completely know yourself before you can allow someone else to know you. If you start dating again, make sure you find a gay dating site that has what you are looking for to avoid getting your heart broken once again. 


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Obtain closure

If your relationship ended on a cliffhanger, you’ll want to be sure that you have closure before completely moving on. Of course, don’t blow up his phone if he’s clearly avoiding you. It’s important to not think of closure as an attempt to rekindle the flame, in fact, it’s the opposite. Relationships that end with no resolution are more likely to be revisited because there hasn’t been a proper ending to the story. If you want to put a period on a relationship that is potentially toxic, there needs to be a sense of finality to it.



The last stage of the grieving process is acceptance. Once you’ve mourned and obtained your closure, you simply need to accept that the relationship is over. You’re single now. With that comes a world of freedom and possibility. Don’t be the stalker ex that refuses to let go of a clearly finished relationship. Don’t bombard his phone with calls and texts trying to win him back. Have some dignity, pick yourself up, and move on. There are millions of other men out there for you to experiment with. As Ariana Grande put it, tell your ex thank you, next.