How To Bring Up Polygamy With Your Wife

Jim Wade Author

polygamy with wife

While polygamy can help you become a happier version of yourself, it can also wreak havoc your marriage if you’re not open. If you bring the topic in a way that alienates your partner, you could be headed for divorce. Nowadays, apps like Ashley Madison will even help you find other couples for a polygamous relationship. So, how do you tell your wife that you have a new love and you want to establish a common understanding between all of you? The best way is to reassure her of your love. Keep in mind that when you are in a polygamous relationship your partner is aware you are seeing other people, this is different than cheating. People that cheat on their partner typically engage in secretive sexual behavior and meet with local women for casual sex or sexual pleasure.  A 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that more than one in 5 people living in the United States have experienced non-monogamous relationships in their lifetime. 

A polygamous marriage should be guided by mutually-agreed rules. Here is some expert advice to bring up the subject of polygamy with your wife.


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Examine your reasons for being polygamous

Before you approach your wife with the topic of being polygamous, be clear this is what you want. It’s probably a bad idea to talk about it and bring up the subject if things are already rocky between you and your wife. Your partner may not give you the attention you need, so it’s important that you brush up your communication skills. Keep in mind that when there are children in the picture, it can make existing problems worse. If you have tested the waters and you’re sure this is the best way to go about it, you can proceed. But if you’re considering polygamy as a one-foot-out of door relationship due to your unhappy relationship, that is not the way to go about it. Be clear of the long-term vision of your marriage.

Don’t be pushy

When talking about a polygamous marriage, you certainly don’t want to hurt your wife. You should already have it in your mind that your partner will say no. Then, there is the aspect of insecurity because they feel they are not enough for you. To start the conversation, you have to reassure your wife of your love and commitment to her. You should not make her feel coerced or manipulated to do it.

If you have a reluctant partner, jumping in the topic without a preamble could cause a major meltdown. Also, don’t give out any signals that you’re about to have a deep talk. If you’re unsure how to approach the topic, you can schedule an appointment with a counseling therapist. Exploring a flexible agreement is the best way to make the marriage work. If you’re stressed about your relationship with your wife, this is probably not the best time to bring out the topic.

Don’t try to coax your partner to say yes

The topic of polygamy can be difficult if both of you are enjoying a stable, monogamous relationship. When you force your wife to accept, your initial marriage could be destined to fail. You have to be very careful with your words to save your spouse from the excruciating pain. Since the foundation of a polygamous marriage revolves around respect and honesty, it’s important that you implement the right strategies. For instance, if your partner is not getting enough attention and sex, the idea of sharing will not sound so good.

In a polygamous marriage, there are some non-negotiable things to establish. It’s important that you discuss some of the ground rules in advance. It’s a matter of ethics and consent. One of the issues to discuss is safe sex. No matter the response you get from your spouse, don’t leave her in the dark. One way to eliminate the fear and make her embrace the idea is to let her know she will supersede the second wife. However, this does not mean you should treat your secondary partner with less respect. The anger will keep your primary relationship close.

Keep her best interest at heart

Polygamy can be challenging, especially when you’ve been in a stable monogamous relationship. If you love your wife, you’ll give your best to make the relationship work. Don’t wimp out – be flexible and try new things. Your wife will feel unloved or inadequate, which makes it hard to change the rules. Come up with strategies to address the pain and manage the anxiety. Be willing to admit when it’s not working.

Let her know it’s not just about sex

While sex is an important factor in a relationship, you should not put it as you want to have a second wife because you’re having bedroom issues. This idea will be met with an objection. It may not be easy at first, but polygamy could be the recipe to make your relationship stronger. There are many success stories out there of couples who were able to work things out by being honest in their conversation. It’s all about being enthusiastic about marriages and working towards a happy relationship.

One area you must give special attention to is the sleeping arrangement. If you spend your time with your partner, then spending an occasional night out with the other wife should not be a big deal. However, if you have both women spend the night in the same home, things can get messy. As you talk with your wife about the plans, let her understand that her privacy will not be interfered with. Do your homework to find out what works best for you. How would you like your marriage to look like in one year?

Talk about the kids

If you’re planning to take a second wife because you want more children, there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem arises when both of them don’t appreciate each other’s kids. In a straightforward polygamous marriage, the kids don’t complicate issues. As the father, you should provide the basic needs and treat each kid as your own. You also have the responsibility to unite them. With time, your wives will start spending time with each other as well as the kids.

Be flexible

When diving into this new territory of polygamy, you’ll face objections from your wife. It’s important that you recognize that we are not all equal and that people change. Don’t think about this kind of arrangement if there are questions about the solidity of your relationship. In a normal polygamous setup, the two wives are not in a competition, so they deserve to be treated well.

Many spouses get jealous when the issue of polygamous relationship is brought up. To some, this could be a recipe for disaster. But if you’re not willing to talk about it with your wife, you’re headed to a path that will destroy your marriage. Despite the challenges that come with this arrangement, you can still maintain happiness in your relationship. Be sure to use the above tips to talk about the topic without any fear, and before you know it, she’ll agree to it. Remember, if you’re not on the same page with your wife, polygamy won’t work.